The Top Sixty Lessons Young Men and Women Need To Learn

This list is provided to be used in discussions with your friends, parents, neighbors and associates. Use it around the dinner table or at lunch, perhaps after practice or going for a walk in the park. You might send them to your friends using text messaging, or talk about them while just hanging out with your friends.

Take each one seriously. Think about it. Ask your friends what it means to them. Your discussion of these ideas and thoughts will help you mature and to become a better person.

The important thing is not to just simply read them, but think seriously about each one. You do not have to go in order. Start with any lesson, perhaps the one closer to what you are dealing with right now.

Remember, there is no right or wrong answer. It is a process. Learn what your friends and family say about these things. Their comments may surprise you.

1. Thoreau said that most of us lead lives of quiet desperation. What he meant was that most of us are resigned to lead lives trapped between complete dissatisfaction with our situation and the total fear of change.
2. While it is critical to have goals, life is about the journey. Live today as if it were your last.  Greet your family and friends as though you might never see them again.
3. Life is full of loss, rejection, failure, betrayal and disappointment. Are you tough enough to THRIVE, and not just survive?
4. Accepting those things over which we have no control is essential to persevering in the world. But denying those things over which we have control is irresponsible, self deceiving, and immature.
5. Many of life’s dramas and crises may be avoided by understanding that dramas and crises often result from bad choices we make that can only be avoided by not making the bad choice in the first place. (For example, drug use results in physical, mental, emotional, family and legal drama/crisis).
6. Words, actions, behaviors and attitudes have both intended and unintended consequences. Before you proceed, prepare to accept what is to follow.
7. Have conscious expectations…unconscious expectations lead to unexpected disappointments.
8. Make conscious choices, and fully consider the consequences. A decision to do nothing is a decision nonetheless.
9. Expect that you will be caught in your wrongdoing. Plan to suffer the consequences.
10. You must be able to do something for a living that has value to other people and to society.
    1. Take care of yourself and your family
    2. Define success for yourself: what must you do to achieve this success?
    3. Determine your values
    4. Ask yourself how much you value your reputation
11. Learn to teach yourself how to learn and think.
12. Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
13. Do whatever you want constructively with your time remaining after you have fulfilled your obligations.
14. Respect other people.
    1. Show people how to treat you by treating them well
    2. Dress how you want people to perceive you
    3. Use language that reflects how you want people to perceive you
15. Seek wisdom and criticism from others; listen and evaluate what they say.
16. You are responsible for your attitudes and beliefs.
    1. How you react is up to you
    2. The source of most anger is not getting what you want
    3. Negative thoughts breed unhappiness and discontentment
    4. Live in peace with all people
    5. You are responsible for your own happiness
17. Become an independent, self-sufficient person – only then do you have the capacity to give love to others.
18. Two co-dependent people will not a strong relationship make. Two independent self- sufficient people may learn interdependence and ultimately build a strong relationship.
19. Do not look outside yourself for validation. It will not come, and it only opens you up to manipulation for the benefit if others.
20. Take some time for yourself after you leave your parents’ home.
    1. Learn how to be totally responsible for one person
    2. Follow your dreams, and build your life story – one that is worth telling
    3. Only you can make yourself happy; learn to do it
21. Be careful who you marry.
    1. The 2^nd most important decision in life, 90% of all your future pleasure and misery come from this one decision
    2. Gain wisdom from others by discussing your decision process
    3. Being “in love” does not necessarily mean that you can build a life with this person
    4. Bring to the marriage a set of positive experiences gained from others
    5. You are not ready for marriage until you have discussed the HARD questions
    6. You are not ready for marriage until you have shared all of your darkest secrets
22. Understand the consequences of risky behavior to your physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual health.
    1. Sex
    2. Drinking/drugs
    3. Relationships
    4. Friends
    5. Getting pregnant (a disproportionate amount of this consequence falls on females)
    6. Not putting forth effort
    7. Sports
    8. Partying
    9. Money management
    10. Having a job
    11. Driving
    12. Crime
23. Take care of your physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual health.
24. You cannot control anyone else, just yourself; you cannot change anyone else, just yourself.
25. Self esteem comes from self confidence, which comes from self discipline, which comes from self respect, which starts with self love.
26. How can you make society and this world a better place?
27. Seek not the approval of fools, but rather the criticisms of wise men.
28. Failure is an event. How you handle failure is more important than having failed.
29. The notions of fairy tale romantic love are foolishness.
    1. He/she does not complete you.  Only when you are complete in yourself can you have a meaningful relationship with another
    2. He/she cannot read your mind.  Expecting them to just know what you want and need is setting yourself up for disappointment
    3. If you don’t know what you want and need, how can you expect another to know?
    4. He/she is NOT RESPONSIBLE for your happiness.
30. What are the sources of assumptions? Why assume when you can ask or make it clear?
31. Excuses are common. Everyone has plenty of them.
32. The shortage of money is not the root cause of most money problems.  It is the failure to manage what you have.
33. Disagreements over money and sex are the most common reasons for divorce.
34. To become good at any pursuit one must work hard at mastering it
35. There are only 3 ways to learn: reading, observing and experience.  And while some lessons can only be learned by experience, reading is most often the easiest way to learn, followed by observation, and then experience.
36. There are 3 types of work: work using your back, work using your hands, or work using your brain. You choose the type of work you are employed at by your preparation or lack of preparation.
37. Recognize the difference between fiction and non-fiction.
38. What is success in life? Hint: It cannot be measured in dollars.
39. Do your best. Know the difference between what you can do and what is your best.
40. Can’t lives on Won’t Street.
41. Being late is a sign of disrespect.
42. Honor your commitments – even if they cost you personally.
43. Mastery is a matter of choice.
44. Life is about learning lessons.
45. Learning is a life-long activity. 
46. We will repeat a lesson until we master it, and then there will be another lesson.
47. Life must, for the most part, be managed: time, money, weight, fitness, career, children, continuing education, friends, and activities all need goals, plans, limits, and prioritization. Without management, life will tend toward chaos and crisis.
48. Question all your beliefs (self image, body image, relationships, work, career, marriage, etc.) and determine if they are valid and have a basis in fact.  Avoid F.E.A.R. – False Evidence that Appears Real.
49. Keep a journal.
50. Be impeccable with your words.
51. Do not assume you understand another’s reasons or motivations.
52. Don’t take it personally.
53. Do your best.
54. Believe little of what you hear and 50% of what you read. Do your homework.
55. Know the difference between spontaneous and impulsive.
56. Don’t take yourself too seriously; laugh at yourself.
57. Admit your mistakes.
58. Learn to ask for forgiveness. Forgive others without their asking. Forgiveness is for the benefit of the forgiver.
59. Don’t let play substitute for work. When you play, play. When you work, work.
60. Find at least one wise friend. The requirement is that he or she must be 30 or more years older.